i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
