You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
