my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
