remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
