I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
