So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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