also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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