I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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