Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
