I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
