Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
