I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
