Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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