Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
