I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
