You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
