I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
