I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
