i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
