it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
