i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
