I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
