Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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