yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
