Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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