maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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