i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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