if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
