Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
