like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
