I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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