so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
