Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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