o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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