I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
