hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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