this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
