I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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