I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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