Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
