Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
