A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
