I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
