my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
