I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
