I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I need water and some morals
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
