we have officially lost it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
