it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
