you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
