Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
