...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
