two words: eviction party
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
