If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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