My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
